


Let Me Breakdown

by RagingBookDragon



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Father-Son Relationship, Heavy Angst, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Protective Siblings, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, i promise no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 11:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RagingBookDragon/pseuds/RagingBookDragon
Summary: This either a dream or he's dead. He's hoping it's the former and not the latter. But if this is a death, he's not really enjoying his life's movie playing in front of his eyes. Here's to hoping it really is just a dream.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	Let Me Breakdown

**Author's Note:**

> Boom, sorry for the shitty summary! But this is based on Jack Johnson's 'Breakdown'. From my Tumblr, 'RagingBookDragon' and I hope you enjoy! -Thorne <3

**_I hope this old train breaks down then I could take a walk around  
And see what there is to see  
Time is just a melody  
With all the people in the street walk as fast as their feet can take them  
I just roll through town  
And though my window’s got a view  
Well the frame I’m looking through seems to have no concern for me now  
So for now I…_ **

Twenty-three years he’d been on this earth and with every passing year, he wondered how lucky he’d been. Of course, dying at fifteen wasn’t lucky in retrospect, but coming back and still kicking seemed to be a gift from Lady Luck herself. Jason sat back against the bench, eyes scanning the hundreds of people rushing about their day. His mind wandered, the old thoughts nagging at him of what it would be like if his life was a simple as theirs; time got funny when you lived the way he did, do or die, fight or flight. He shut his eyes, allowing himself to fade from reality for a while, and when he opened them again, the view in front of him almost looked distorted, a faded indigo hue as he sat in the background. He gathered himself, standing from the bench, feet carrying him through the crowds until he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. They shoved by him, but no one said a thing; he didn’t have the energy care, simply drifting through the motions of his path. Something lingered in his mind as he watched them. Families walked with their children and lovers held hands and giggled as they moved; but Jason stood still, waiting for another person like himself, lonely yet hopeful, to catch his gaze, tell him he wasn’t as alone as he thought. He remembered an old phrase Bruce had mentioned one day, something about the train of life. A frown tugged at the corners of his lips, and he stared as the frame around him seemed to mock his loneliness.

**_I need this old train to break down  
Oh please just  
Let me please break down_ **

If human lives were trains, Jason swore his must be beat up and battered, barely running on the fading steam. The people passing him didn’t look as he moved, and Jason wished for just a moment that it would stop. Give him just a minute to breakdown and stop life from passing him by.

**_This engine screams out loud  
Centipede gonna crawl westbound  
So I don’t even make a sound ‘cause it’s gonna sting me when I leave this town  
And all the people in the street that I’ll never get to meet  
If these tracks don’t bend somehow  
And I got no time that I got to get to where I don’t need to be  
So I…_ **

He blinked and the scene shifted, giving him another look on another busy street. The engines screamed in his ears, but he didn’t react, lead-laden feet stepping heavily, carrying him forward…like they always did; except, he noticed now that everyone moved in the same direction, save for him. He fit in between people as he walked past them, the frown still placed along is lips, but he didn’t break the silence he held. No one noticed the difference. No one entered his path, and no matter how he tried, the paths of those he entered just seemed to move through him. Twenty-three years old with all the time in the world, but here Jason felt like the sand in his hourglass was slipping, giving him no time to be anywhere or do anything.

**_I need this old train to break down  
Oh please just  
Let me please break down  
I need this old train to break down  
Oh please just  
Let me please break down  
I wanna break on down but I can’t stop now  
Let me break on down_ **

His lungs burned as he kept moving, eyes trained on the distance in front of him. The thoughts coasted through his mind, beckoning him to stop, to give in to the inevitable full-stop that always sat in the back, quiet, but still there. Half-a-heartbeat and his foot faltered, almost stopping; he forced it down, putting the other ahead. Jason wanted to stop…he wanted to quit…but something kept coaxing him into the forward motion.

**_But you cant stop nothing if you got no control  
Of the thoughts in your mind that you kept and you know  
You don’t know nothing but you don’t need to know  
The wisdom’s in the trees not the glass windows  
You can’t stop wishing if you don’t let go  
The things that you find and you lose and you know  
You keep on rolling put the moment on hold  
The frame’s too bright so put the blinds down low_ **

He finally stopped, feet planted firmly in the middle of a park. He spun around, trying to understand what he was supposed to be seeing…what he was supposed to understand. The words wouldn’t come out, but something in his brain screamed that any control he thought he had was gone, that whatever he was trying to stop, he had no control over. Images flashed in the sky and he watched words cross the distortion. Things he’d said to his family, his friends, his enemies, things he’d thought but never spoken on, memories he’d wished he’d forget, and memories he’d treasure forever. Something inside him clicked and he took a deep breath, understanding that what he was seeing was… _himself…everything he’d been…everything he was…and everything he would be._ It wasn’t something he was going to find staring out the glass window he protected himself with…he had to go and get it. But going to get it meant letting go, and for once in his life, Jason didn’t know if he had it in him to let everything go. Another image rolled across the sky and he watched it, staring at a past version of himself. He recognized the scene. It happened the week before, waking up and wishing he could do everything over again; wishing that things were different. Movement in his peripheral caught his attention and he looked over, gazing as the trees swayed, branches reaching up high into the distance. He wondered if letting go meant freedom like that…the ability to reach and move on. His breathing stuttered and he bent over, holding his knees, chest heaving with each breath he took. His fingers twitched and he looked back up, watching as one more scene rolled across. The day before, standing around the cave, laughter echoing from him and his family as they joked about an instance from patrol that night. Jason stared clearly at their faces, at Dick’s, at Tim’s, at Damian’s, at Alfred’s, and finally at Bruce’s. Bruce wasn’t laughing, but he was staring straight at Jason, a small smile on his face. All at once, it hit Jason, and the scene faded, a bright light replacing the moment; he understood it, closing his eyes against the sight.

**_I need this old train to break down  
Oh please just  
Let me please break down  
I need this old train to break down  
Oh please just  
Let me please break down  
I wanna break on down_ **

His eyes snapped open and he stared up at the LED lights above him. His chest ached and he reached up but stopped when he felt his arm heavier than normal. His gaze shifted down to his arm and he gaped at the IV stuck into his arm; a quiet chuckle sounded beside him and he looked over, seeing his father sitting beside him. “Look like you’ve never seen an IV before.” Jason tipped his head side to side, murmuring,

“Don’t really remember if my injuries were bad enough to warrant a drip.” Bruce’s smile dropped into a frown and he leaned forward, lowing Jason’s arm back to the bed.

“You’re lucky to be alive right now.” Teal eyes met steel blue and he asked,

“What happened? I remember an explosion…but that’s about it…” Bruce went silent for a moment, then explained,

“…You and the others were stopping an operation that Two-Face was running…he had the upper floor laced with explosives, and before they exploded, you shoved Tim and Damian down the stairs and shut the door. You were blown out the window and dropped two stories to the ground.” He glanced back up at Jason. “You flatlined twice. Once on the way to the cave, the other when we got you in here and into surgery.” Bruce shook his head, the words starting to jumble. “I didn’t know…I didn’t know if you were going to…if you were going…” Jason reached over, placing his hand on Bruce’s.

“I’m still here.” He squeezed lightly. “I’m not gonna break down yet old man.” Bruce huffed a laugh, nodding along to his words.

“Yeah…you’re stubborn like that son.” He rose from the chair. “Your brothers have been waiting for you.” Jason groaned, resting his head back against the pillow.

“Oh god no. Please don’t sent them in here.” Bruce grinned and opened the door, letting out a whistle. The sound of running feet came their way and he quipped,

“Too late.” Before Jason could respond, he heard.

“JASON WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” He grimaced, yelling,

“Oh, fuck off Dickhead! I’m not dead _again_!” Bruce watched his sons crowd their brother, a smile crossing his lips as he watched Jason argue with them. He’d given them a scare tonight…but it’s like Jason said…he wasn’t gonna break down yet.

**_But I can’t stop now._ **


End file.
